I have been
married for almost 27 years. Like any marriage, we have had some really good
times and some bad times as well. But through all of the good and the bad,
there have been some precautions I have taken to safeguard my marriage from
infidelity. I get along very well with men; while growing up, and through high
school, most of my friends were boys. In fact, my best friend, Brady, is the
one who introduced me to my husband. Very early in my marriage I set some
boundaries for myself that I felt were important; not because I had a tendency
to stray emotionally from my husband but because I instinctively felt it was
right.
My rules-
1: Don’t ever
discuss frustrations about my husband with a friend of the opposite sex.
2: Never have a
confidant other than my husband.
I have discussed
the boundaries that I set with my husband. I do not know if he has set these
same rules for himself but I feel confident in knowing that he trusts me and I
trust him.
There are many
teachings by our leaders in the LDS faith that support my rules involving
emotional intimacy. President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “infidelity is one of
the greatest sins of our generation” (Kimball, 2006). And we learn from the
story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife that infidelity is not only a sin committed
against our spouse but it is a “sin against God” (Genesis 39:9). Dr. Goddard
said in his book, Drawing Heaven into
Your Marriage, “Today Satan attacks us with subtle and indirect means. He
gets us inappropriately close to someone who is not our spouse under the guise
of . . . friendship or helpfulness” (Goddard, 2009). Why is it such a big deal
to be close friends with someone of the opposite gender? I don’t think it is a
big deal, or bad, as long as your closest friend is your spouse. I consider
Brady my very dear friend and in fact, when he had his stroke a few years back
his wife called me to come see him in the hospital. But, my husband is my
confidant and my best friend. I adore him above all others.
We have been
taught from our leaders the reason it is inappropriate to let friendships and
emotional attachments become too serious. It is inappropriate because it can
lead to sexual infidelity. Also, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and
total fidelity. Each spouse takes the partner with the understanding that he or
she gives totally to the spouse all the heart, strength, loyalty, honor and
affection” (Goddard, 2009). This includes emotional and spiritual actions and
thoughts as well as physical. “Be faithful in your marriage covenants in
thought, word, and deed” (Hunter, 1994). “If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind . . . people
rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But
what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with
someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and
eventual infidelity” (Benson, 1987).
Maybe you could
come up with some of your own rules for your relationship to safeguard your
marriage against emotional and spiritual infidelity.
Benson,
E. T. (1987). The Law of Chastity. Retrieved from
https://www.lds.org/new-era/1988/01/the-law-of-chastity?lang=eng
Goddard, H. W.
(2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal
results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.
Hunter,
H. W. (1994, October). Being a Righteous Husband and Father. Retrieved March
14, 2017, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1994/10/being-a-righteous-husband-and-father?lang=eng
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