WEEK 10- Seeking to Understand

In this post, unless otherwise noted, all quotes are from the book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD.

Think about your spouse and all of their traits. You can even list them. Now take an inventory of your list. Did you list mostly positive traits or mostly annoyances? “Humans do not find charity coming easily or automatically.” It seems with all our human interactions we have a tendency to focus on the negative and this happens in marriage also. But, “Negative reactions are a choice . . . we can also choose to see in a heavenly and loving way.”

I love a quote from Marvin J. Ashton. He says, “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.”

This is hard to do in our everyday interactions, but it is even harder to do with our family. Why is that? Goddard said, “Charity does not flow automatically from having an extraordinary spouse. It is primarily the result of the way we choose to see each other.”

What do you see when you look at this picture? Do you see a duck or a rabbit? It pretty much depends on which one you are focusing on. We can improve our marriages by focusing on the positive qualities of our spouse. In fact, we can improve all our interactions by focusing on the good of others. This is how we gain charity. The union of you and your spouse “that has been cemented between you” by a bond and a covenant will “be more secure when you forget to mention weaknesses and faults one of another.” Also, “How delightful is the company of . . . people who overlook trifles and keep their minds instinctively fixed on whatever is good and positive in the world about them?”

Every relationship experiences a hard time or two. “Somewhere along the way some challenge surfaces that seems insurmountable.” It is different for everyone. For my marriage, and me it was the rebellion, aggression, and anger of our teenage son. At the time this challenge seemed insurmountable and caused extreme stress and problems within our marriage. We survived this troubling time in our marriage but we could have experienced it in a more charitable way. “We simply will not survive and thrive in the challenges of marriage unless we take upon ourselves the mindset that Jesus had.” Jesus Christ always loves us and is always aware of our positive qualities and traits.

This week, every time your see your spouses, in fact every time you even think of your spouse, run through a list of the things you adore about him or her. Focus on the positive and have charity. 

References

Ashton, M. J. (1992, April). The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword. Retrieved March 10, 2017, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword?lang=eng

Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.