WEEK 8- Beware of Pride

There is a talk by President Benson called, Beware of Pride. Every person can benefit from reading this talk. It is applicable to everyone. Many people think of pride as a shortcoming; or in other words, not a big deal. President Benson makes it very clear that pride is more than a shortcoming; Pride is a sin. Pride is why Lucifer fell.

Pride is something that is easy to see in other people, but that we assume we ourselves don’t have. If we look at how President Benson defines pride, then we realize that it is something every person needs to be aware of and improve on. “Pride is a very misunderstood sin and many are sinning in ignorance.” “The central feature of pride is enmity . . . enmity means hostility or a state of opposition.” Whenever you are in opposition to someone, even if it is for something simple, you are feeling hostile towards that person. You are basically saying that you are better than they are.

 

Recently there was a little girl at the barn where my daughter takes riding lessons who was sending some not so nice texts to my daughter. This girl was being overbearing and inappropriate. My feelings were, this little girl is a jerk and her mother is not a good mom. I felt her mother should watch her daughter’s texts and should have taught her daughter to be kinder. In this case, I am feeling hostility and I am in opposition to another. I am feeling like I am the better mom and my daughter is the nicer child. I realized after I read the talk that I need to work on pride.

Pride is essentially competitive in nature. C.S. Lewis said, “It is the comparison that makes you proud. The pleasure of being above the rest.” President Benson said, “(Pride) is manifest in so many ways, such as fault finding, gossiping, backbiting murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.” Again, “It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone. Pride has gone.”

I changed my thoughts of comparison and feeling above another. I now feel that the little girl is just a little girl. My daughter isn’t nicer because we aren’t comparing. We are now focusing on how we can be better people ourselves and not finding fault in our barn friends.

Benson, E. T. (n.d.). Beware of Pride. Retrieved February 22, 2017, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

Jeeva, S., http://www.destinywordoftheday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Three-fingers.jpg

Lewis, C. S. (2012). Mere Christianity. New York: HarperOne.

WEEK 7- Staying Emotionally Connected

Marriage is a commitment but it is so much more than that, it is a covenant. A covenant is defined as, “an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified.” It is also defined as, “a solemn agreement between the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the gospel.” Marriage is a covenant between two people and also includes the almighty God. This knowledge teaches us of the depth and importance of marriage. This depth and importance is not just a huge event that happens on the wedding day. It is not just a big event that happens when a large family vacation is had. It happens every day in the little things that we do for one another. The small things that we do daily and that encourage an emotional connection with our spouse are what Dr. Gottman calls, accepting bids for attention and turning towards one another. Minute acts, like accepting a hand grab, may seem inconsequential to most, but Dr. Gottman says, “Our research confirms the central role that bids play in a relationship. In our six-year follow up of newlyweds, we found that couples who remained married had turned toward their partner’s bids an average of 86 percent of the time . . . while those who ended up divorced had averaged only 33 percent.” There is an experience written by Martha Arnell about her relationship with her spouse that illustrates these concepts.

Through the years I've tried to be a cheerleader when my husband brought home game after hunting, fishing etc. My father wasn't a hunter or fisherman, so this was a change for me. We have a set of mounted deer and moose antlers on our wall in our family room. Also, since my husband has been into running and especially marathon running, I've tried to be his greatest supporter and cheerleader. We now have 19 marathon medals hanging on the deer antlers in our family room. My husband has always desired to travel to Alaska to go fishing in a backcountry river-trip. His opportunity came the summer of 2009. Of course, I was also invited. Traveling down a river in a raft all-day and camping in tents in the wilds each night along the side of the river was not my greatest desire. I committed to my husband that I would go on the trip, support him, and not complain. The first day on our weeklong river-trip, some no-see-um bugs and some horsefly type bugs bit my ears and face. When I awoke in the tent the next morning I felt strange with large swollen ears and eyes. I luckily had brought some over-the-counter allergy medicine, which helped somewhat with the swelling. But the greatest help was the blessing I asked for from my husband that morning outside our tent. He enjoyed his trip greatly, a lifetime experience. I didn't complain and survived my bitten face, which took another month to look normal.

This story is a great example for married couples to follow. This couple loves each other and shows it by their selfless devotion. They constantly turn toward each other and offer affection and reassurance in simple ways (accepting bids for attention). Martha turns toward her husband by caring about hunting and fishing even though she doesn’t really care about hunting and fishing. She could choose to turn up her nose at the fish and antlers that are brought into their home but instead she chooses to embrace this part of her husband. She did the same with her husband’s marathons. She not only accepts the expense of her husband’s trip to Alaska but she joins him. They both know it is not her ideal vacation as illustrated in her promise to “not complain” but her participation says so much! Then, while on the trip, when she experiences a hardship, she doesn’t turn angry and blame her husband. Again they both turn towards each other and she finds comfort in him as he gives her a blessing.

As Christians and as partners in a marriage covenant, we agree to act in the precepts of love and devotion towards God and our spouse. Turning towards our spouse daily in tiny acts, is one way we can honor our commitments.

Arnell, M. (n.d.). Fishing In Alaska

Covenant. (n.d.). Retrieved February 17, 2017, from http://www.dictionary.com/browse/covenant

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.

WEEK 6- Cherishing Your Spouse

Some think of marriage as tough; something they work hard at. Some think of marriage as easy and the most comfortable part of their life. Some are indifferent and don’t really think of their marriage at all. Each one of these statements can be true for our marriage at different times in our lives. One thing we all know for sure is that a good marriage is vital to success in this life, especially spiritual and emotional success. When talking about the changes of marriages over the course of his years of study, Dr. John Gottman said in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “One fact has held constant: a romantic and sexual long-term committed relationship with another human remains the greatest gift life can offer.” Our own ecclesiastical leaders have taught us that marriage and family are an organizational constant that remain forever.

Dr. Gottman’s research and the information he has learned has taught us how we can create happy, romantic, long lasting relationships. To start working on your marriage relationship, start by assessing your own love map and after assessing it, improve it. A love map is the amount of intimate knowledge that you have about your spouse. It is Dr. Gottman’s, “term for that part of your brain where you store all relevant information about your partners life.” My husband has a detailed, in depth, love map. He knows I dislike filling the car up, so he fills both cars with gas as often as he can. He knows I love certain treats (like chocolate covered cinnamon bears) so he buys me a bag every now and then just to let me know he loves me. I could go on and on about these examples. Here is a big one. He has no interest in horses at all but my daughter loves them and I love my daughter loving them (the happiest part of my week is watching her ride) so he listens, learns and cares about our passion. I feel so much love and appreciation for the efforts my husband puts forth. I notice them!

The best way to nourish your Love Map is to talk and spend time together. Learn about each other’s daily lives. Learn of your spouses likes and dislikes. Once you learn something about your spouse, act on it. Do an act that shows you are aware, concerned, and love your spouse. Think of it this way, if you have a detailed Love Map then you're proving you're selfless, Christ like. If you don't care to take the time and energy to create a detailed Love Map, you're being selfish. Stephen L. Tanner said, "The spiritually unavailable person is encumbered with himself—with advancing his career or pursuing his interests. His preoccupation with his own affairs renders him unavailable to others . . . the available person is not encumbered with his own possessions or self-image. He has the capacity to listen to others and respond to their appeals, even though such responses are a conquest, which he makes again and again over his own selfishness, laziness, materialism, or other factors, which urge self-sufficient isolation." Dr. Gottman has many exercises to help you improve your Love Map and they are simple and fun. Go pick up a book and get to work. The results you will see are well worth Sixteen dollars.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown .

Tanner, S. L. (1981, February). Candle in the Window. Ensign, Feb.(1981). doi:https://www.lds.org/ensign/1981/02/candle-in-the-window?lang=eng