WEEK 6- Cherishing Your Spouse

Some think of marriage as tough; something they work hard at. Some think of marriage as easy and the most comfortable part of their life. Some are indifferent and don’t really think of their marriage at all. Each one of these statements can be true for our marriage at different times in our lives. One thing we all know for sure is that a good marriage is vital to success in this life, especially spiritual and emotional success. When talking about the changes of marriages over the course of his years of study, Dr. John Gottman said in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “One fact has held constant: a romantic and sexual long-term committed relationship with another human remains the greatest gift life can offer.” Our own ecclesiastical leaders have taught us that marriage and family are an organizational constant that remain forever.

Dr. Gottman’s research and the information he has learned has taught us how we can create happy, romantic, long lasting relationships. To start working on your marriage relationship, start by assessing your own love map and after assessing it, improve it. A love map is the amount of intimate knowledge that you have about your spouse. It is Dr. Gottman’s, “term for that part of your brain where you store all relevant information about your partners life.” My husband has a detailed, in depth, love map. He knows I dislike filling the car up, so he fills both cars with gas as often as he can. He knows I love certain treats (like chocolate covered cinnamon bears) so he buys me a bag every now and then just to let me know he loves me. I could go on and on about these examples. Here is a big one. He has no interest in horses at all but my daughter loves them and I love my daughter loving them (the happiest part of my week is watching her ride) so he listens, learns and cares about our passion. I feel so much love and appreciation for the efforts my husband puts forth. I notice them!

The best way to nourish your Love Map is to talk and spend time together. Learn about each other’s daily lives. Learn of your spouses likes and dislikes. Once you learn something about your spouse, act on it. Do an act that shows you are aware, concerned, and love your spouse. Think of it this way, if you have a detailed Love Map then you're proving you're selfless, Christ like. If you don't care to take the time and energy to create a detailed Love Map, you're being selfish. Stephen L. Tanner said, "The spiritually unavailable person is encumbered with himself—with advancing his career or pursuing his interests. His preoccupation with his own affairs renders him unavailable to others . . . the available person is not encumbered with his own possessions or self-image. He has the capacity to listen to others and respond to their appeals, even though such responses are a conquest, which he makes again and again over his own selfishness, laziness, materialism, or other factors, which urge self-sufficient isolation." Dr. Gottman has many exercises to help you improve your Love Map and they are simple and fun. Go pick up a book and get to work. The results you will see are well worth Sixteen dollars.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown .

Tanner, S. L. (1981, February). Candle in the Window. Ensign, Feb.(1981). doi:https://www.lds.org/ensign/1981/02/candle-in-the-window?lang=eng