Marriage is a
commitment but it is so much more than that, it is a covenant. A covenant is
defined as, “an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or
not do something specified.” It is also defined as, “a solemn agreement between
the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the
gospel.” Marriage is a covenant between two people and also includes the almighty
God. This knowledge teaches us of the depth and importance of marriage. This
depth and importance is not just a huge event that happens on the wedding day.
It is not just a big event that happens when a large family vacation is had. It
happens every day in the little things that we do for one another. The small
things that we do daily and that encourage an emotional connection with our
spouse are what Dr. Gottman calls, accepting bids for attention and turning
towards one another. Minute acts, like accepting a hand grab, may seem
inconsequential to most, but Dr. Gottman says, “Our research confirms the
central role that bids play in a relationship. In our six-year follow up of
newlyweds, we found that couples who remained married had turned toward their
partner’s bids an average of 86 percent of the time . . . while those who ended
up divorced had averaged only 33 percent.” There is an experience written by Martha
Arnell about her relationship with her spouse that illustrates these concepts.
Through
the years I've tried to be a cheerleader when my husband brought home game
after hunting, fishing etc. My father wasn't a hunter or fisherman, so this was
a change for me. We have a set of mounted deer and moose
antlers on our wall in our family room. Also, since my husband has
been into running and especially marathon running, I've tried to be his
greatest supporter and cheerleader. We now have 19 marathon medals hanging
on the deer antlers in our family room. My husband has always desired to travel
to Alaska to go fishing in a backcountry river-trip. His opportunity came
the summer of 2009. Of course, I was also invited. Traveling down a river in a
raft all-day and camping in tents in the wilds each night along the
side of the river was not my greatest desire. I committed to my husband that I
would go on the trip, support him, and not complain. The first day on our
weeklong river-trip, some no-see-um bugs and some horsefly type bugs bit my
ears and face. When I awoke in the tent the next morning I felt strange with
large swollen ears and eyes. I luckily had brought some over-the-counter
allergy medicine, which helped somewhat with the swelling. But the greatest
help was the blessing I asked for from my husband that morning outside our
tent. He enjoyed his trip greatly, a lifetime experience. I didn't complain and
survived my bitten face, which took another month to look normal.
This story is a
great example for married couples to follow. This couple loves each other and
shows it by their selfless devotion. They constantly turn toward each other and
offer affection and reassurance in simple ways (accepting bids for attention). Martha
turns toward her husband by caring about hunting and fishing even though she
doesn’t really care about hunting and fishing. She could choose to turn up her
nose at the fish and antlers that are brought into their home but instead she
chooses to embrace this part of her husband. She did the same with her
husband’s marathons. She not only accepts the expense of her husband’s trip to
Alaska but she joins him. They both know it is not her ideal vacation as
illustrated in her promise to “not complain” but her participation says so
much! Then, while on the trip, when she experiences a hardship, she doesn’t
turn angry and blame her husband. Again they both turn towards each other and
she finds comfort in him as he gives her a blessing.
As Christians
and as partners in a marriage covenant, we agree to act in the precepts of love
and devotion towards God and our spouse. Turning towards our spouse daily in
tiny acts, is one way we can honor our commitments.
Arnell,
M. (n.d.). Fishing In Alaska
Covenant.
(n.d.). Retrieved February 17, 2017, from http://www.dictionary.com/browse/covenant
Gottman,
J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage
work. New York: Harmony Books.
No comments:
Post a Comment