WEEK 4- Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

WEEK 4- Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

I enjoyed a talk that was given by Elder Bruce C. Hafen titled, Covenant Marriage. In this talk Elder Hafen chooses three topics that are represented by three wolves. These three wolves can kill a marriage and the reaction of the two people within a marriage towards these topics determines whether the marriage is contractual or covenantal. The word covenant has a few definitions and a compilation of two of these definitions is the best way to think of the word in this context. A covenant is, “an agreement, between two or more persons, to do or not do something.”  It is also, “a solemn agreement between the members of a church to act together in harmony with the precepts of the gospel.”

The three topics represented by wolves are, natural adversity, our own imperfections, and excessive individualism. While being tried by one of all of these, a marriage can either prove that it is built on a strong foundation including God or that it is worldly and built on a weak foundation. Obviously each marriage is individual and each marriage has different trials to test its strength, but when it comes to our society as a whole, I see our own imperfections as the most detrimental to marriage.

I have seen many marriages break up around me including several close friends. In every case it has been human imperfections that have caused the divorce. On the outside it seemed my friends chose divorce because the husband was addicted to pornography. This was a huge hurdle for their relationship but he was in a treatment program and progressing towards health and the atonement. The wife could only see the negative in her husband and used this human imperfection as an excuse to place all of the blame because she wanted to leave the religion that they had built their marriage on. She too had human imperfections. People are human and people make mistakes. Our spouses will make mistakes (in the case of my friends, big mistakes). Some will be big and some will be small. As a couple, if our focus is not on God and eternal covenants we have made then it is easy to find fault in others. It is easy to focus on mistakes, sins, and weaknesses. If our focus is on God and our actions on improving ourselves, then through keeping our covenants and trying to be more like Jesus Christ each day, we will find the best in our spouses. We will see others as Jesus Christ sees them.

In my own life, to cast out the wolves mentioned in Elder Hafen’s talk, and to ensure that my marriage includes God, and is built on a strong foundation, I am going to focus on the positive attributes of my spouse and I am going to strive each day to keep the covenants that I made at marriage.

There is an old Cherokee parable that goes like this,

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

            The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” (Virtues for Life)

This parable can be applied to marriage as well. If, in marriage, people focus on the faults of their spouse, that is what they will likely notice; but if people focus on the God like attributes of their spouse, then that is what they will notice.

Hafen, B. C. (1999, October). Covenant Marriage. Retrieved January 24, 2017, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng

Virtues for Life. (2016, June 05). Two Wolves. Retrieved January 24, 2017, from http://www.virtuesforlife.com/two-wolves/